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Fixing Problems in the Bedroom Can't Fix a Broken Relationsh
by Leonard DeRogatis, Ph.D.
I often see couples in which both members say they have a sexual problem. They anticipate that I or my colleagues in the sex clinic will be able to prescribe some treatment or combination of treatments that will fix their problems and make everything in their relationship just fine. The problem with this expectation is that often it's the relationship itself that's the fundamental problem, and the sexual symptoms, while real, are secondary to it.
I recently met with one couple, both college graduates in their 40s, each of whom described a different sexual problem. The husband suffered from lifelong rapid ejaculation, and the wife experienced episodic sexual pain due, according to another doctor she'd consulted, to a vagina that was "too small." In a short time it became abundantly clear that although these problems were real, so was the dysfunctionality in their marriage.
Each partner harbored a great deal of anger and frustration toward the other: he, because he felt she was cold and withholding; she, because she said he was insensitive and controlling, thinking only of his own sexual gratification.
It's important for sexual health counselors and therapists not to take sides in such conflicts because the issue is never who is right and wrong. Rather, it's important to help each member of the couple become aware of how the entire relationship, not just their lovemaking, is undermined by negative emotions.
Until they are convinced that they need to address the 800-pound gorilla in their bedroom - not the husband or the wife, but the marital discord itself - little else in their sex lives can be treated effectively. [标签:content1][标签:content2]
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作者:admin@医学,生命科学 2011-02-25 17:12
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